Construction Malfunction
by StrangeTastes
Summary: Liz reads an article online that Kid finds truly disturbing when he arrives home. This can't possibly end well, can it? This is based off of real-life construction projects and how Kid might react to them.


Disclaimer: I do not own Soul Eater!

A/N: The articles in this story are actually real news stories and I couldn't help but think "KID!" when I read them. This is an attempt at some more humor. It's also written in present tense, which is something completely new for me.

Construction Malfunction

Liz and Patty always know they need to be careful around Kid when it comes to objects of asymmetry. It's just common knowledge to safely guard comments and pictures, make-up and clothing away from Kid's obsessive nature. Heck, when the guy even begs to fix your eyebrows, you know to be extra-sensitive about anything that could cause him psychological trauma.

'_But, Kid's not here right now!'_ Liz thinks happily as she pulls up her laptop (which is supposed to be used for schooling purposes) and starts clicking away at her favorite fashion websites. Kid doesn't especially like her obsession with "in" fashion, since most of the designs seem to focus on unbalanced and one-sided designs, but she figures since he's with his father, she can get away with peeking _a little_. Besides, with Kid's epic failure on the Super Written Exam, she doesn't think he can complain about her taking another break from studying.

Several hours later and many "oohs" and "aahs" about clothes she can never have, Liz figures it's time to look at what's happening in the world. And that's when she finds…_the story:_

The story that could turn life with Kid into a living hell, if he didn't explode from absolute horror first.

But Liz isn't concerned about that right now, and decides to show the article to Patty as well. "Hey, Patty! Come look at this!" she shouts through the halls of the mansion. Patty's bounding steps echo off the perfect marble walls as she runs over to her sister.

"What's up, sis?" she asks happily, already crowding Liz's shoulder in an attempt to see the monitor.

"Take a look at this: 'Capital Gate Named World's Furthest Leaning Tower,'" she answers, tracing a finger over the building's strange tilted design on the screen. "Doesn't it look weird?"

"Yeah! Wonder how stable it is? Wouldn't that be horrible if all the people got into it and it suddenly fell over?" Patty giggles almost demonically at the thought, but Liz is more than used to it and quickly derails her sister's strange train of thought.

She motions to the structure again, saying, "If it wasn't safe, Patty, they wouldn't have built it. It's _designed_ to be safe. That way, people don't have to worry about it collapsing, and the article says it's very well reinforced."

"Ohh, look here, look here!" Patty chirps again. "How's that even possible? This guys bragging about it not having any symmetry at all!"

It's about this time that Liz realizes that maybe reading this in a location where Kid has to come through upon arriving home isn't the smartest idea. "Whatever you do, Patty, don't mention that to Kid. Now come on, let's go finish reading this in my room." She closes the laptop and unplugs the cord, expecting a chipper "All right, sis," from her sister.

Instead, she gets a curious, "Finish reading what in your room, Liz?" from the suddenly appearing Shinigami in the doorframe.

Liz freezes in mid-step, pivoting to face Kid, who has come home at _exactly_ the wrong time and who has a criticizing, skeptical expression gracing his features.

'_Of course. Alright, Patty, just remember what I said. No telling Kid! And I'll come up with an excuse…maybe I could tell a half-truth? I'll just say I was reading fashion websites! That way he'll be mad, but won't look at the laptop, and we'll be in less troub-'_

"Oh, Sis was just reading about the most asymmetrical building on the planet."

…

…

…

"WHAT?" Kid glances at Liz as Liz glares at Patty, both shouting the same thing, then start talking over each other, one in search of an explanation and the other trying to explain.

"Why would you do that-?"

"I was curious!"

"In my house, no less!"

"You were gone!"

"That's no excuse! You have no right-"

"You said it's our house, too!"

"Kya-ha-ha! You two are so funny!"

Two sets of eyes stare at the interruption in the bickering match as Patty continues to laugh at them. Realizing they are getting nowhere, Kid calmly starts the conversation again. "Liz, I demand to see this article of yours."

Liz, knowing this cannot end well, starts to protest. "Kid, you know this won't be good for you."

"I don't care. I want to see what was so important you had to hide it from me," he shudders before adding in disgust, "_asymmetrical_ though it may be. Besides, I bought that laptop, so I should have the right to see anything on it."

The older sister sighs in defeat before plugging in the computer and opening the cover. The screen flashes to life, imperfect building smack in the middle of the display. Kid manages not to scream, but only because he begins a rant that threatens to put any other person's rants to shame.

"Just look at it! It's _disgusting! Horrifying_! Whoever thought up the design for that building should be sent to an early grave! In fact, I would kill him myself if I didn't have to worry about his soul afterwards. I mean, how _ugly_ can you make a building?"

Kid scrolls through the article, gaping visibly in shock as he reads the words written there. "How can he possibly brag…? Listen to this idiot! It's 'designed to provide no symmetry so it amazes inside and outside.' That's not amazing! It's an abomination to society! Everyone should know that the true beauty of an object lies in the existence of symmetry!"

Liz can't help but roll her eyes as Kid goes on and on. Although he brought it on himself, she's starting to get a headache from his shouting and Patty's obnoxious laughter, and by now, she's looking for any excuse to get away. Far, far away. And still, Kid rants on.

"Why does it have to be against the law to destroy buildings? It's not fair! And it's not even possible to correct its tilt because it's structured that way…I want to die just for looking at it and knowing I can't fix it…ahh…" The distraught reaper slides to the floor, banging his fist against the tile as he begins to cry. "Just like me. I can't fix _myself _either. Life, you are truly cruel…"

"Oh God, _Kid_," Liz says, exasperated. "You don't need to be fixed. You're great just the way you are."

"Yeah, Kid," Patty adds. "You're AWESOME!"

There's a slightly muffled sniff before Kid replies, "You're just saying that, trying to make a useless piece of garbage like me feel better."

The older sibling sighs. "No, we're not Kid. We really mean it. How many times have we had the conversation that you're not trash? You're the most amazing meister we know."

"_Really_? You're so nice!" And with that, Kid rolls over and sits quietly on the stone floor, rubbing his eyes.

As Kid's tears subside, Liz moves to shut the laptop down before something else catches her eye on the side of the webpage. At that moment, she could almost imagine a bright light surrounding her computer and angels singing in the background. Triumphantly, she clicks on the link, places the laptop on the ground as well, and angles it towards her meister. "How about that?"

"'Ingenious Flipper Bridge Melds Left-Side Drivers with Right-Side Drivers?' What's so special about…?" Kid can't help but trail off in awe as his eyes sparkle in sheer joy. "It's a figure eight shaped bridge! How incredible! How brilliant! It's the perfect solution to flipping left and right bound traffic! And just look at the absolutely perfect symmetry! Thank you, Liz!" The young reaper picks the computer up and places it dead-center in the table, sitting in front of it. Hastily, he begins to type a response to the article (because while the keyboard isn't symmetrical, it's a part of life he just has to _deal_ with) and wishes Liz and Patty goodnight before ignoring them for the rest of the evening. He will do his best to make sure they build that bridge, even if it's the last thing he does.

At this point, Liz is simply happy that _he's_ happy, and she goes off to read some magazines instead.

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The next morning, Liz finds Kid breathing quietly with his right cheek plastered to the keyboard and an infinite string of "H"s ending a book of a comment that is almost just as long. Sighing, she softly asks Patty for her help in moving him to a bed so the letter key marks have time to fade before he awakes and he doesn't panic about his appearance. It's slow work, but they manage to get him to his bedroom without disturbing him.

Arriving back at the laptop, Liz reads his reply, noticing that he has gone on another "perfect symmetry" rant before promising to support the building of the bridge however is possible for him. Sighing, she deletes the line of "H"s before saving the comment into a document on the hard-drive, hoping Kid has forgotten about it by the time he wakes up, but saving it just in case he doesn't. She finally shuts down the laptop that started all the trouble in the first place and checks in on the still sleeping Shinigami.

Seeing the contented, happy smile on his lips, she grins, too. '_You might be more trouble than you're worth sometimes, but I guess you're not too bad. Now if you could just learn to relax a little…_' She walks away, knowing that's a task for another day.

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A/N: I wasn't going to ask for reviews, but after my last story got so many hits and no reviews, I felt a little like a failure. Sure, it's a lot different than this one (to warn you, it's mature and crack-ish), but reviews are a writer's life! So…if you have time, please leave some con-crit or form of comment (Yes, that includes flames. I can take it!) before you leave. I would appreciate it greatly!


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